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Wholesale BonesAttention: Clever Retail Merchants, Bartenders, Traveling Salesmen, Bouncers, Realtors, Pimps, Cocktail Waitresses & Drug Dealers! Buy Bonestamps Bulk:Here is your chance to sell the impulse buy of the 21st
Century. It will zip through your inventory like shit through a goose. You
don't know how it kills us to have sell our stamps so cheap. Merchants, please
don't sell our BoneStamp®
for more than $14.99 because it's just not right: Give the Flip-Off starved public a break. As
to you remaining bartenders, salesmen, bouncers, pimps and drug dealers:
Don't think business economists here at BoneStamp® don't know that anywhere alcohol is served, there will be no market resistance to raising
the price to $20.00 a stamp. If you are patient enough to wait until after 10 P.M.
(especially if you pretend each BoneStamp® is
your last), you can probably screw the average drunk into paying for the next drink with
two twenties and keeping the change¹ for
the BoneStamp®.
You evil, exploitive bastards. We think your ethics are reprehensible but we
don't know how to separate you from all the honest merchants. So we are willing to
set aside our moral, political and social differences with you just so we can do
business together happily. Life is hard enough. To that end, new pals, let me
welcome the whole seamy lot of you to our wholesale club. There is no reason to be
embarrassed in front of us about how you earn your living. Look what we do! So now
let's get down to business so we can meet your every commercial need. Lookie
here: Buy 4 dozen little give-the-finger stamps (absolutely, positively, no returns) and we throw in
4 dozen downloads of Virtual BoneStamp® for the astounding
wholesale price of $4.16 per pair (rubber and electronic flip off
appliances).
And these figures further assume you actually gave the drunks the downloads to which they were entitled because of the high-roller, after 10 P.M. markup prices you were charging. Of course you didn't ("they wouldn't remember the password anyway"--as if that would really matter to you), so now here you are with $1480 in your pocket and you still have 48 downloads to sell lunch-time nerds @ a ten spot apiece for another $500. God damn you, your are less than a twenty bucks short of turning two hundred dollars into two grand in two days and you haven't had to even steal a tip. Well, you didn't steal from another bartender or waitress anyway. So why are you reading this when you could be ordering BoneStamp® in bulk?
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